I’ve been doing an exercise that for some reason has been extremely difficult for me. I think part of it is I’m afraid of the outcome. Afraid that it will push me even further out of my comfort zone. Afraid that it will make me depend on God even more. Completely depending on God and not your strength and/or abilities is really hard, I know firsthand; especially for control freaks like me. You know the definition of Type A, planner types.
So I guess you’re wondering what the exercise is…. I’ve been trying to answer the question, “What do you want?” You know, like, what do I really want out of life? Why do I do the things that I do day in and day out? What am I really striving for?
After weeks of playing this game of trying to articulate what it is that I really want, I wrote this in my sketchbook.
It’s a start…. But what does mastering ME really mean? Mastering my abilities? Mastering being completely comfortable in the skin I’m in? Mastering being able to walk in confidence in who God created me to be? Honestly, I think it’s a balance of all three.
A balance in knowing my strengths and abilities, putting in the work to master them, but not putting my complete dependence in them. Instead putting my dependence in God, using those strengths and abilities to walk in who He’s called me to be, and being completely comfortable in the uniqueness of ME!
That’s hard… especially the dependence part. It’s so easy to rely on myself and what I know (or at least think I know) I can accomplish. But it’s really hard completely depending on God. Not because I don’t know what He can accomplish. He’s shown me over and over in ways that are sometimes really unbelievable. I can’t question His abilities and the favor He’s continuously shown in my life.
So, what makes it hard?
Not knowing HOW He will accomplish what He’s set out to accomplish through me. That’s really really hard for a Type-A personality and I can imagine even hard for those who aren’t that personality type. But that’s when we should look back at the times we were worried and He pulled it off without any help from us. Or the times that we kept trying to manipulate the situation only to make it worse and He stepped in and fixed it. Or the times it was just a thought, nothing you were really even trying to accomplish in that moment, but He made your thought a reality.
Some of you are probably saying, “But I haven’t had those experiences.” I can almost guarantee that you have but you failed to recognize them. Sometimes it’s hard to shut out all of the “noise” of this world to simply recognize the hand of God when it moves. Take this week to get quiet and watch Him move.
What do you want?
In answering the question of what do I want, I realize I should really be asking what does He want? What does He want me to accomplish and how does He want me to accomplish it? The answer may still be really scary. I’m actually 100% positive it will be scary because whatever He wants me to accomplish will require me to trust Him. It will require me to completely depend on Him. One of my spiritual fathers used to say, “What God requires, requires God.” What He wants you to do, He never meant for you to do it alone. He plans to do it with you and through you. He’ll provide everything you need – financial provision, people to help you along the way, etc. So, let Him work!
To completely trusting God,